Why I Hate Christmas Music

As many of you know, I LOATHE Christmas music!! I can barely stomach Christmas shopping because of it. I take a lot of flack because of my feelings toward it, and I am lectured every year as well. Everyone always says, "I can't understand how ANYONE can have a problem with Christmas music.", and, "How can you not want to have the Christmas Spirit all year?". It is because of this, I have decided to take a moment and justify my feelings.

First of all, let me put Christmas music into two categories: Cheesy/Sugary, and of Holy/Religious.

The first category I feel is self-explanatory for anyone who knows me very well, but for the rest of you, I will explain. I am not really that "sugary sweet" kinda gal. I prefer things that are a little dark, or thought-provoking. I despise puns and that sort of silliness. I wouldn't usually listen to a shallow, predictable melody about goofy unicorns or fairies planting sugar flowers or something....I feel that I have moved on to more adult kinds of music. I really don't care about care about the roasted chestnuts on the open fire, or the blasted silver bells on the street corners, and seriously, I throw up in my mouth a little bit every time someone whiles about their heart that they gave to some jerk last Christmas and their plans to give it to someone better this year. However, I know that there are people who love the simple sweetness of some of the more "sugary" of Christmas songs, and on that, we will just have to agree to disagree.

The second category really is the one that frustrates me the most. I have a hard time with what I call "Bumper-Sticker Religion". I have never felt that the rear window or a car or the like is really the place for my declarations of faith. My faith is very personal to me, and I honestly want to hold it in a place of highest value. I think that religion and faith should always be held as sacred, and only reserved for times when it can be expressed with utmost reverence. A beautiful gold cross, or a Star of David on a chain, or a CTR ring worn as an outward reminder of faith is, in my mind, an appropriate show of faith, however, maybe "Jesus Saves" on a mudflap is a bit much. It is because if my problem with this type of attitude that I have a problem with the Religious/Holy type of Christmas music. I love to sing it or listen to it in an appropriate and worshipful setting, but somehow the music looses something when it is performed by a boy band. I RARELY hear "Top Forty" type artists treat holy music with the respect that it deserves, and it upsets me to hear things that I hold as sacred in a callous and casual setting.

So, those are my justifications. I really don't hate the season. I love the spirit of the season and the goodness that it brings. I just never am a fan of the dorky cheesiness, and I just want the sacred to remain so.

Assuming Good Intent

I have been doing a lot of soul searching of late. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that their intentions are good. I don't think that very many people are truly evil, or to quote myself, "No one wakes up in the morning and says "You know what I am gonna do today? Suck!" "

My problem comes when I have come to that point where someone has hurt me to a large degree, or taken advantage one too many times. I am realizing that I have a very difficult time returning to that place of assuming good intent. I assume that if someone has hurt me, and I have chosen to let it affect me, their intentions can never be good again. I look for reasons that the individual could be trying to hurt me again. This is an unfair assessment of people, and I realize it is a hypocritical position for me to take because I believe so strongly that people really do intend to do good in general. I also realize that I have a difficult time trusting people, and when I refuse to allow people to have good intentions toward me, I am a part of the problem, and not a part of the solution. As long as I have this attitude, I will not be able to trust people.

Things I Have Learned From Being a Waitress...

So, I am just like everyone else. I have been to a restaurant and thought to myself, "Why can't that blasted waitress just refill my soda? This job isn't rocket science after all...it's not like it requires a degree of some sort. I mean, seriously, how difficult can this be?"

Well, as Karma would have it, I find myself recently employed as a server at Mimi's cafe. I figured that I could do the work...after all, "how hard can it really be?", as I have asked myself on numerous eating out excursions. I have worked for years in the medical field balancing blood draws and lab tests and billing and keeping pregnant and other hormonal women happy...I should certainly be able to handle bringing food to people, right?

I quickly learned that my frustration with serving staff was a direct result of my lack of understanding of situations. My server might not refill my drink immediately because as she was off to get my soda, one of her tables may have accused her of stealing their debit card, or other such nonsense. Here is a list of what I have learned in this position...

1. I was unprepared for the lack of respect that people have for servers. Contrary to popular belief, I am an intelligent and educated person...NOT your servant.

2. I work TOTALLY on tips. Server wage is TWO DOLLARS and HOUR!! ALL of my paycheck comes from you. Even if I wasn't flawless, please be generous with your tips. Imagine going to work all day and having your boss yell at you and tell you that today you get to go home with nothing because you suck so bad...

3. The cooks and bussers and hosts get paid...your server does not. If your food is incorrectly prepared, or your table was not cleaned off properly, this was NOT the fault of your server...so he/she should not be penalized by you.

4. If you can't afford to leave a tip...stay home or eat fast food.

5. Your server really does want you to be happy...if you aren't, please tell them so they can make it right.

6. Servers HATE "Girl's Night Out". Often, they fight over who has to take these tables. Let me explain something to you...a server is given a certain number of tables to wait on during a shift, and if you take up a table for HOURS ON END you should probably tip your server extra, because you are LITERALLY causing them to loose money. Also, groups of girls/women traditionally try to "out under-eat" each other, so the amount that you are going to tip will already be less....however, these groups usually require A TON OF BABYSITTING, so really, just be aware of what you are doing.

7. Don't assume that your server is an idiot. Believe it or not, I have a college degree.

8. If your server if forgetting something, just remind them in a polite way. They really do have a million things going on, and may have just had a table chew their face off and insult their parentage, which may have legitimately caused them to forget. Again, they really do want you to be happy.

9. If your food is not tasting the way you would like, it is fine to mention this rather than just sit and seathe. Again, what everyone really wants is for you to be happy, leave a decent tip, and come back again.

10. Mistakes will be made....are YOU flawless?

11. No one is gonna spit in your food...we are really just too busy.

12. Consider getting an appitizer and a soda. I know it costs a little more, but we really get reamed by our bosses if we don't sell a certain amount. Also, if we have a little scripted thing that we have to say...just let us say it. If a manager happens to be listening and we don't say everything we are supposed to....we may get yelled at. (And truely, we get yelled at a lot).

I totally understand that I have been guilty of many of these things pre-server...and it was because I really didn't understand the job. I am glad that I understand a bit better now, and hopefully you won't have to go through the hell that serving can be before you learn. Payback's a bitch.

What To Do With The Time That Is Given You

I am very blessed. I have an amazing husband, beautiful and healthy children, a lovely house, an education, friends, and the opportunity to pursue whatever I wish in life. I have been reflecting of late on why it is that I have been so blessed. What is it that separates me from others that have not been so lucky? Is it fate, or perhaps luck? Is it really something that I deserve on my own merit? I believe that the answer to all of these questions is, "No". I am one life experience away from prosperity or disaster. Therefore, what right do I have to do nothing while others suffer? How will I choose to use my blessings? Will I lock them away in my house and provide nothing to others whose circumstances are different than mine? Do I truly believe that my responsibility is to those who are a part of my family only? Am I so prideful that I believe that I am superior in some way to those who were not afforded my life experience? What if it was their own doing that placed them in their current situation....is it really for me to judge whether or not they are deserving of the punishment?

I recently read a book that provided the theme "People who change the world are neither sinners or saints. They are simply people who had the courage to 'Do'". It suggested that when an individual sees another providing for those less fortunate than themselves or engaging themselves a great cause, the individual will call them a "Saint" or "Crazy". This is a form of "passing the buck". If you can rationalize that that individual is different than yourself, then you are off the hook. You can get by doing nothing. If you admit to yourself that people making a difference are exactly like you, than it is also your responsibility to change the world.

If I am a God-fearing woman....than I believe that it is my duty to make a difference because it is what God desires of me. If I do not believe in God...than it is my responsibility to do something because no "supreme being" will be there to intervene on their behalf.

I am a God-fearing woman, and I have come to the conclusion that I am blessed so that I have the opportunity to give. I believe that I will be judged on what I have done with the blessings I have received. 95% of the world's wealth is in the hands of 5% of the world's population....and that gives that 5% a responsibility to the other 95%. Remember, you are one life experience away from being out of that category.

You are always part of the solution, or part of the problem....there is no middle ground.


All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. -Tolkien

You Know Who You Are

So, this last year has been a particularly difficult one for me...for multiple reasons. There are reasons that people know about, and many that no one knows about. I am a very private person when it comes to my pain. I deal with things better when I am in control of every aspect and therefore am not one who shares my pain with others.

I am, however, learning that there are people in which I can trust. I have been amazed of late how the exact right people can show up at the exact right time in my life. I am so grateful for friends who know me well enough to notice red flags and just ask if I am ok...even if I am not up to sharing. I have been touched by how concerned friends have been, and their willingness to go to my defense even if they don't know why. It is nice to know that there are people who are on my team. Thank you for being there for me.

So, I FREAKING APOLOGIZE, then!!!

I know who I am. I know that I don't fit into the perfect mold of this community. I know that I don't have the ability to blend in with every crowd that I am a part of. I am not a chameleon. I am the same person regardless of who I am with. I know that I can be loud, I know that I can be opinionated. I know that I can be a bit much for some people. I know that there are a lot of people who disagree with the things that I do and have done. I know that I hate intolerance to the point of being "intolerant of the intolerant". I also know this makes me a hypocrite. I know that I over schedule myself. I know that I am a perfectionist to the point of being unable to continue with something if I can't do it perfectly. I know that I am sometimes wound a bit tight. I know that I can't type worth my salt. I know that I don't actually know my right from my left without thinking about it for a sec. I know that I am terrible at parking. I know that I don't immediately trust people. I know that I have trust issues and daddy issues. I know that I don't have a healthy way of dealing with any big emotion. I know that I have a lot of surface friends, and very few real ones. I know that there are very few people who know the real me, or care to, for that matter. I know that I hate to look like I am not put together. I know that I am not good at sharing emotion. I know that most people like me...but don't really want to be friends with me. Which really brings me to my point. I know that I am a very flawed person. I will straight -up own my crazy. No one really needs to point out every little flaw that I have to me. Every time I screw up, it does NOT need to be brought to my attention (over and over and over). I would LOVE it if someone would take TWO SECONDS and see what I do instead of what I don't. I feel like there is quite a bit I do for people, and yet, that never seems to be recognized. I would love to be praised for the work that I do instead of chewed when it is not. I know exactly who I am. I know that there is more to me than just my flaws. I just wish that people could maybe come to that realization as well. If you really can't just love me, I would really appreciate if you could PLEASE refrain from continually pointing out all of my faults. I try really hard not to point out yours, and would love if you could find it in your heart to grant me the same courtesy.

The Spooks

Halloween was AWESOME this year! My kids are HYSTERICAL, and I love to get involved with the craziness. This year, I had a crazy reptile, a bat, and Little Red Riding Hood. The kids went out trick-or-treating with cousins, Tornado, and Princess. It was great. Yep, Halloween is defiantly the favorite! How can you not love the fun and creepiness of this holiday?