Wednesday, April 28, 2010

You Know Who You Are

So, this last year has been a particularly difficult one for me...for multiple reasons. There are reasons that people know about, and many that no one knows about. I am a very private person when it comes to my pain. I deal with things better when I am in control of every aspect and therefore am not one who shares my pain with others.

I am, however, learning that there are people in which I can trust. I have been amazed of late how the exact right people can show up at the exact right time in my life. I am so grateful for friends who know me well enough to notice red flags and just ask if I am ok...even if I am not up to sharing. I have been touched by how concerned friends have been, and their willingness to go to my defense even if they don't know why. It is nice to know that there are people who are on my team. Thank you for being there for me.

Sunday, April 25, 2010


I know who I am. I know that I don't fit into the perfect mold of this community. I know that I don't have the ability to blend in with every crowd that I am a part of. I am not a chameleon. I am the same person regardless of who I am with. I know that I can be loud, I know that I can be opinionated. I know that I can be a bit much for some people. I know that there are a lot of people who disagree with the things that I do and have done. I know that I hate intolerance to the point of being "intolerant of the intolerant". I also know this makes me a hypocrite. I know that I over schedule myself. I know that I am a perfectionist to the point of being unable to continue with something if I can't do it perfectly. I know that I am sometimes wound a bit tight. I know that I can't type worth my salt. I know that I don't actually know my right from my left without thinking about it for a sec. I know that I am terrible at parking. I know that I don't immediately trust people. I know that I have trust issues and daddy issues. I know that I don't have a healthy way of dealing with any big emotion. I know that I have a lot of surface friends, and very few real ones. I know that there are very few people who know the real me, or care to, for that matter. I know that I hate to look like I am not put together. I know that I am not good at sharing emotion. I know that most people like me...but don't really want to be friends with me. Which really brings me to my point. I know that I am a very flawed person. I will straight -up own my crazy. No one really needs to point out every little flaw that I have to me. Every time I screw up, it does NOT need to be brought to my attention (over and over and over). I would LOVE it if someone would take TWO SECONDS and see what I do instead of what I don't. I feel like there is quite a bit I do for people, and yet, that never seems to be recognized. I would love to be praised for the work that I do instead of chewed when it is not. I know exactly who I am. I know that there is more to me than just my flaws. I just wish that people could maybe come to that realization as well. If you really can't just love me, I would really appreciate if you could PLEASE refrain from continually pointing out all of my faults. I try really hard not to point out yours, and would love if you could find it in your heart to grant me the same courtesy.