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Sunday, April 25, 2010

So, I FREAKING APOLOGIZE, then!!!

I know who I am. I know that I don't fit into the perfect mold of this community. I know that I don't have the ability to blend in with every crowd that I am a part of. I am not a chameleon. I am the same person regardless of who I am with. I know that I can be loud, I know that I can be opinionated. I know that I can be a bit much for some people. I know that there are a lot of people who disagree with the things that I do and have done. I know that I hate intolerance to the point of being "intolerant of the intolerant". I also know this makes me a hypocrite. I know that I over schedule myself. I know that I am a perfectionist to the point of being unable to continue with something if I can't do it perfectly. I know that I am sometimes wound a bit tight. I know that I can't type worth my salt. I know that I don't actually know my right from my left without thinking about it for a sec. I know that I am terrible at parking. I know that I don't immediately trust people. I know that I have trust issues and daddy issues. I know that I don't have a healthy way of dealing with any big emotion. I know that I have a lot of surface friends, and very few real ones. I know that there are very few people who know the real me, or care to, for that matter. I know that I hate to look like I am not put together. I know that I am not good at sharing emotion. I know that most people like me...but don't really want to be friends with me. Which really brings me to my point. I know that I am a very flawed person. I will straight -up own my crazy. No one really needs to point out every little flaw that I have to me. Every time I screw up, it does NOT need to be brought to my attention (over and over and over). I would LOVE it if someone would take TWO SECONDS and see what I do instead of what I don't. I feel like there is quite a bit I do for people, and yet, that never seems to be recognized. I would love to be praised for the work that I do instead of chewed when it is not. I know exactly who I am. I know that there is more to me than just my flaws. I just wish that people could maybe come to that realization as well. If you really can't just love me, I would really appreciate if you could PLEASE refrain from continually pointing out all of my faults. I try really hard not to point out yours, and would love if you could find it in your heart to grant me the same courtesy.

7 comments:

Unknown said...

Ummm I have no words. I just have to say I love you. I love you and all your flaws. I love your anger too.
(Who do I kill?)

Paulette said...

Now, regardless of the fact that I know you shouldn't be left alone with post-it notes (I say that to make you laugh), you are pretty darn AMAZING!!:) And I only knew you for a few short months!
You, Deed, are someone I will always look up to! You taught me to look outside of my silly bubble, to learn to love TMBG, and to dream that anything I want to do is possible! You made quite an impression on me when I was roommates with you and I will never forget you.
Anyone who says differently is just jealous! Chin up, you are darn AWESOME!:)

Lesa said...

You are a rock star. And I can say that because I have had the oppertunity to work with you. No, you are not perfect. But you are really great. I am glad that you have such self-awareness. You are right, there will always be haters, I am sorry that you found some. Hang tight, there are many Dena fans out here, and we love it that you do it,the way you do.

echo said...

Don't you ever apologize! Who you are is just too amazing for some people to appreciate, &, really, who cares if they're that small to not know how great you are. Just hang out with those of us who know the beauty of going big & let the haters stay at home, bored & hating. But never, NEVER apologize, you are way to fantastic for that!!!!

Nicole said...

It would seem you were having a bad day...or 2...sorry. : ( I've always thought wherever you go, you've produced quite the following. They're just jealous they aren't confident enough to do the things you do and be as strong as you. That said, your "apology" sounds like something you could put to music. (Remember the Baz Luhrman? advice song from years ago?) Next big hit for Avenue! : )

Tyler and Julia said...

Hey lovely Dena! I just HAVE to tell you that I think you're funny, kind, loving, sweet, happy, and helpful. You were so willing to answer my questions when I really needed some help in finding a new OB. I can't ever thank you enough for taking the time to help me & give me such a great recommendation. I can't believe people would be so mean as to continuously remind you of your faults & the mistakes that you make. I don't care who you are that is just RUDE. When are we all going to learn that we all make mistakes & life goes on? You have so many who love you & I am one of them!!! :)

Michelle said...

Dena,

I am a horrible blogger and I don't often check other people's either, well because I am lame!!! :) But I just read this and it made me so sad!! I think you are one of the most amazing people and I feel lucky to be able to associate with you. It frustrates me that people can be so rude to you, when I know that you are one of the most kind and generous people I know.

I love spending time with you and wish I could be with you more. I miss your "craziness" when we haven't done things for a while!

I agree that you don't need to apologize to anyone for anything. One of the things I admire about you, is that you totally know who you are and what you are all about. Not many people know that about themselves, or if they do, they don't claim it.

I guess bottom line, is that I think you are great and I feel lucky to be one of your friends.

Love you!!!